


Good

by humanlikeyou



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, GAY GAY GAY, Gay, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Makeup, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 04:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15331929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanlikeyou/pseuds/humanlikeyou
Summary: A couple of drinks at a back-to-school party turns intimate when a boy has the courage to confront another boy about a bad thing that that boy did because they still love each other and I really hate summaries so please just read this it's not that long.- or -The one where they make up because some people are imperfect but deserving of forgiveness and love, and other people deserve the love that they were due in the first place.





	Good

**Author's Note:**

> The only beta-ing this went through was a one time read-through a minute after typing in the last word. So please bear with me. And I hope you enjoy a little angst.

Lying in bed with his ex-boyfriend was the most uncomfortable Alex Standall had ever felt, and the in-and-out act of his dizziness had not been helping the situation either.

_Justin Foley will end me._

The thing is, this was the first time the two had even talked since the breakup. And, on top of the drunken dizziness, complemented only by the dim glow of the bedside lamp in the guest bedroom of Zach Dempsey’s _mansion_ , Alex was puzzled. Didn’t Justin hate him? Didn’t Justin want nothing to do with him anymore?

The drinks leading up to this precarious position on the bed with Justin told a different story. A couple of shots, a couple of beers, and a loud but non-malicious confrontation by Justin later in the middle of what was maybe fifty people, they ended up finding somewhere to talk more privately because _honestly,_ it was getting embarrassing.

It took a few doors to get to this bedroom, but once they got there, Justin immediately took his shoes and socks off and got under the covers, wiggling and snuggling like a child, to which Alex could only respond with a reluctant smile and a roll of his eyes.

“I thought we were arguing,” he said.

‘What?” Justin replied, drawing his brows closer together in his more animated, inebriated state.

‘We were arguing,” Alex put plainly. “You yelled at me.”

‘Oh no, I yelled?” Justin’s voice was suddenly much smaller, and he hid his face with the duvet for a moment. With his head still under, he tapped the space next to him, and so Alex obliged. Over the covers.

‘Get under,” Justin whined with an exaggerated roll of the “r” which created a muffled whirring effect under the cloth.

“I’m fine here, thanks.”

The following silence was probably more palpable to Alex than it was to Justin, who seemed comfortable with it if his easy, deep breathing was any indication.

“Justin.”

“Hmm?” He rolled over a quarter of the way to reveal his smiling face to Alex. _God._

“You can’t just do that, we were gonna talk.” Alex was getting antsy.

“Do what?” The bitch batted his eyelashes.

“Exactly that.” He shook his head, and he felt his eyes betraying him, so Alex tried to train his gaze to anywhere other than-

“Stop looking at my lips, Standall.”

There it was. The teasing smugness of Justin Foley’s flirt-voice that he was famous for - that never failed to make the hairs on Alex’s arms stand.

“Stop making me want to kiss you, Foley.” He didn’t know what gave him the courage. Maybe it was the New Him that he was trying so hard to be that pushed his bold words. Hearing this, Justin’s expression changed. Completely neutral at first, then famished.

Justin lunged forward, but before he could smash his lips against Alex’s, Alex had surged a hand out and ended up slapping Justin from the chin up.

“OW!”

“Oh my god, Justin, are you okay?” They were probably worrying anyone who might be listening outside.

“You just slapped my chin.” Justin’s hand rubbed at the mentioned area, giggling to himself. Alex couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as well. “You fucking dumbass, why’d you slap me?” he asked with a smile. Alex had to look away.

“I was _trying_ to cover your mouth so that you wouldn’t kiss me.”

Justin leaned in closer.

“But I _want_ to kiss you,” he said, with an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows that mimicked the melody of his voice.

“No, you don’t,” Alex said. His tone had shifted, Justin noticed immediately. Alex wasn’t just avoiding looking at Justin anymore. He was staring at the ceiling as if dark stars had taken its place, and Justin… simply couldn’t respond.

“You’re drunk,” Alex said. “You’re drunk, and you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“ _You’re_ drunk,” Justin half-heartedly argued, nudging Alex’s arm.

“No. I’m not.”

Justin sighed and laid his head down on the pillow on his side of the bed.

“I miss you.” Justin said to the ceiling. Maybe aiming at a star that he couldn’t see but hoping it was the same one Alex was staring at.

Alex clenched his fists and his jaw, and his eyes found themselves shut on their own.

“You shouldn’t,” he whispered. Seethed, more like it. “You remember I cheated on you, right?” Alex’s voice quivered as he talked, his eyes forming more moisture as he flashed back to that mistake of a night, as he’d done so many nights over the last few months.

“I really don’t need to be reminded of it every time I look at you, Alex.”

He was fighting back. _Good._ This was what Alex needed.

“Maybe you do,” Alex retorted. Justin’s face twisted.

“Why do you always think you know better about what I’m feeling?”

“Because you’re drunk, Justin.”

“I think that a _whole summer_ ’s worth of thinking about what happened has made what I feel pretty clear to me, Alex,” Justin said, more heated and voice raised a little, “so shut the fuck up because you don’t know.”

Another silence.

This was how they communicated, Alex and Justin. Someone would say something that the other needed time to process, and so they would give each other the time to do so. To completely understand. Some people would actually say it was healthy. Others would say that it got them too into their own heads. Or maybe just Alex, at least.

“So what do you feel?” Alex asked quietly.

“I still love you.”

Alex groaned loudly and grabbed a pillow, squeezing it against his face and shouting into it. It didn’t do much good to suppress the volume, and soon enough, Zach himself had barged in through the door.

“GUYS,” he yelled, his hands covering his own eyes, but with his fingers parted so that he could still see incredibly clearly.. “I don’t know what kinky shit you’re both up to. but-“

“WE’RE FUCKING TALKING HERE,” Alex yelled as he hurled the pillow that he was holding at Zach, forcing him to close the door as he avoided it. When there was no second attempt to enter, Alex continued.

“Justin, you’re insane,” Alex breathed, shaking his head.

“I don’t think you know how sane I am right now.”

“Why is everything a fucking quip with you?” Alex was a word away from grunting in helplessness.

“I’m not that smart, Standall. You’re the one with the quips, I just say my truth.”

“Well you’re being real _smart_ to completely disregard how much of an asshole I was to you.”

“Jesus christ, Standall.” Justin, out of nowhere, threw the covers off of himself and over Alex, wrapping him up in a cocoon of fabric, jumping up and straddling his body. “Just shut the fuck up for once and let me talk.”

Struggling against Justin’s weight, whatever color remained in Alex’s face completely flushed away, and he froze. Justin simply looked at him. Straight into his eyes. If his arms weren’t trapped at the moment, he would’ve grabbed Justin’s face and kissed him right then. Except he knew he shouldn’t have. It was both frustrating and relieving.

“You don’t think I remember?” Justin’s voice raised in pitch a little, finding the strength to talk to Alex like this again. “Every single day I remind myself that you… _cheated_ on me. Every day I remember being in love with you-“

“I was in love with you too-“

“I know you were.” Justin was just sitting up now. On top of Alex still, but no longer holding him down. “I thought we were good. Together. We were in such a good place. We _worked,_ didn’t we? That’s why it didn’t make any fucking sense when you kissed him.”

“It didn’t make sense to me either,” Alex replied quietly. “It still doesn’t make sense to me. All this time I’ve been trying to figure out what allowed me to do it, what I was thinking or feeling at the time, what pushed me… but I could never put it together. All I know is that I fucked up something good, but I don’t know why.”

Justin murmured a reply, too timid to form actual words. Alex wanted to hear it, but Justin shook his head.

“Please just tell me what you said,” Alex pried, trying to be as gentle as possible. This was the first time Justin couldn’t look him straight in the eye.

“You did it,” Justin said with the smallest bit of venom in his voice, but with overwhelming pain, “because we were good, but I wasn’t good _enough_ for you.”

_Fuck._ Alex’s heart started racing. He peeled himself from under the cover, careful not to jolt Justin off of him, and sat up.

“Justin,” he said, trying to catch Justin’s eyes again. Justin wiped his cheek on his sleeve, effectively breaking Alex’s heart. “Justin, please look at me,” he repeated. He brought his hand up carefully to caress Justin’s cheek. Firm. Desperate. _This is as far as I can go_ , he thought.

Justin looked over, easily locking onto Alex’s eyes like a magnet. Like they were meant to always find each other.

“You were the only truly great thing to ever happen to me.” His voice broke as he said it, overwhelmed by being this close to Justin again after so long. After _wanting him back_ for so long. Even if he wouldn’t allow himself to hurt Justin like this again. It felt like a proper goodbye. “You were always good enough, okay? You still are.”

Justin’s eyebrows only knitted closer together, a look of genuine confusion formed across his face. Alex lifted his other hand to grab the other side of Justin’s face. Thinking about Justin living with this on his shoulders, that he’d made him feel this way, brought tears to Alex’s eyes for the first time.

“It was always me,” Alex said, his voice coming out completely raw and vulnerable, the way he should have always been with Justin. “In the time that we were together, I don’t think I ever deserved you. And I-“ he had to pause, his throat and chest working together, threatening to choke him up. “I just do this,” he continued, quickening his pace as he talked. “I let go of the things that are too good for me. Sometimes I fuck it up to make sure I’m gone for good. And sometimes I fuck up too much.”

Another tear escaped from Justin’s eyelashes, and Alex wiped it away with the thumb that was right there.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Justin. Please know that I’m so sorry.”

“I do know,” Justin replied, nodding through the tears.

“You have to know that I’ve regretted hurting you like this every minute since it happened.”

“I’ve seen it. I see it _now_ , Alex, I _know_ -“

“All I’ve wanted to do is make it up to you but I never knew how-“

And just like that, their lips reunited. A soft pressure at first, too scared to admit how badly they needed this from each other. Justin slowly started to move his lips against Alex’s, grabbing the back of his neck and head to pull him closer. Alex responded immediately, wrapping his arms around Justin’s back, forgetting, for a moment, the rules he set in place for himself.

The space that Justin filled against his chest, in his arms - it was too much like home. After months of putting up walls, giving Justin space, the build up was too much to not indulge a little in this moment. The taste, all too familiar. Not thinking straight. Drunk on Justin. Carried away.

About a minute in, a soft whine escaped Justin’s mouth and into Alex’s like a secret message. A sobering one that had Alex immediately freezing up. Justin didn’t notice at first, needing more, and Alex had to unwrap his arms from around the other boy’s body and grab at his shoulders to nudge Justin backward.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked, his eyes clear as day, almost begging.

“I can’t do this.” Alex answered, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. “You can’t do this. It’s not fair to you. Don’t let me do this.”

“Why not?”

“I hurt you. I don’t want you to risk me being able to hurt you agai-“

Justin slapped Alex from the chin up, sending the boy’s head jolting backward which Justin caught at once with his other hand, making the boy face him again. Alex’s eyes were wide as he stared back at Justin, mouth agape in shock, questioning.

“What did I say about knowing better about how I feel?” Justin asked, a playful smile on his lips which would’ve worked in lifting the mood had his cheeks not been as tear-stained as they were. Alex gave a short chuckle nonetheless. “I love you, okay? You can protest all you want, but I still love you.”

Alex nodded reluctantly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“And you know now that you’re forgiven?”

No response, just wider eyes.

“Please nod,” Justin said. Alex broke out into a small smile and nodded once again. “Good,” Justin said, satisfied for a few seconds before working himself up to nervous once again.

“Do you still love me, though?” Justin asked like a proposal.

Alex quickly brought his hands back up to Justin’s neck, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs where the tear tracks had been.

“Justin,” Alex said with atenderness in his voice, looking from one blue eye to the other. “Of fucking course I do.” Justin smiled to himself, sniffling to keep the tears at bay.

“And you want this?” Justin asked, the final nail in the coffin.

Alex paused. _If only to make this boy smile like this. This time, I’ll be better._

“Only if you’re sure about this,” he said finally, the guilt releasing from his own shoulders.

Justin leaned forward and touched his forehead to Alex, closing his eyes. “I’m so _fucking_ sure,” he said, mocking Alex, which earned him a laugh.

“I missed you so much.” Alex was still smiling, hands almost invisibly gripping at Justin a little tighter, afraid to let him slip away again.

“Good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please review! Reviews are dimples and eskimo kisses! :D


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